Those lovable Romany folk....

It`s 7am on a cold dark winters morn. My first job of the day comes beeping through my datahead. It`s pick-up from a local shop just down the road & it`s going to another town. A decent first job of the day me thinks! :0)

My heart sinks when i arrive at the shop. I am greeted by a guy in his early 20s who is obviously very drunk, carrying a plastic bag full of bottles & cans of beer. The guy wobbles over & gets in the car. "Good morning" i say chirpilly "Where we off to?" It is then i realise who i`ve picked up. The almost Irish-tinged accent of one of the local gypsy population. The conversation goes as follows....

Me..."where we off to?"
Him..."just f#####g drive"
Me..."I need to know where to?"
Him..."Accrington"
Me..."where abouts in Accrington?
Him..."I`ll show you when we get there"

(alarm bells are ringing in my head)

The conversation continues as i drive....

Him..."how much is this gonna cost?"
Me..."eleven pounds mate" (it`s a fixed rate town to town)
Him..."I`ll give you five"
Me..."Sorry mate, it`s eleven pounds. It says here" (I point to the rates list)
Him..."i`ll give you five pounds & nothing more"

I slam on my breaks & stop. I`ve only gone a mile or so....

Me..."Look mate, it`s gonna cost eleven pounds to go to Accrington. You either pay full upfront now or pay for this mile & get out here"

Him..."I`ll pay when i get there"
Me..."No you won`t. You`ll pay now or get out"
Him..."Don`t you think i`ll pay"
Me..."No. That`s why i want money up-front"

The guy fumbles in his pocket & produces a crumpled up £20 note. I take it & give him £9 change. He mumbles under his breath something like "ripping off c###".
I ignore him & continue our journey.

Not much further down the road, the guy again fumbles in his pocket & produces a cigarette & lighter. I point at the 'NO SMOKING' sign infront of him & say "Sorry mate, you cannot smoke in here". It starts again....

Him..."I`ll smoke where i f#####g want"
Me..."Not in here you won`t mate"
Him..."I`ve paid for this taxi. I`ll smoke if i want"
Me..."No you won`t"

We argue the toss for a good few minutes. He eventualy puts the cigarette away & continues his mumbled insults...."f#####g fat c###" etc....

He then reaches into his plastic bag & comes up with a bottle of beer. He tries to open it with his teeth. We start again....

Me..."Sorry pal, there`s no eating or drinking in here"
Him..."I`m only having a beer"
Me..."Not in here pal"
Him..."Why not?"
Me..."Cos it says NO EATING OR DRINKING on the sign in front of you."
Him..."I`m having a drink"
Me..."No you`re not"

We argue the toss once more. He eventually puts the bottle away.
We`re not far from Accrington now. He continues with his under-the-breath insults & threats.
He says..."I`m gonna kick you`re f#####g windscreen though in a minute"
Me..."Why`s that?"
Him..."Cos you`re a c### & i don`t like you"
Me..."Can i ask you a question?"
Him..."What?"
Me..."Why are you being such an arse-hole?"
Him..."I`m not"
Me..."Really? I`d say you`ve been a complete nightmare since the moment you got in"

....He goes quiet for a moment, then says "I`m gonna kick you`re f#####g head in when i get out"
Me..."why`s that then?"
Him..."cos i don`t like you"

He continues his under-breath threats & insults as we drive into Accrington centre. I ask him where we are going. He says "keep going, it`s further up the road..."
Me..."where abouts?
Him..."Just keep going you f#####g fat c###"
Me..."No need for that"
Him..."drive on"

Suddenly i do a swift right turn...

Him..."where we going?"
Me..."a short-cut mate"
Him..."where to?"
Me..."just here"

I drive straight into the forecourt of Accrington Police station. There`s a couple of Police officers talking in the entrance of the building. I toot my horn loudly & drive right over to them. The gypsy hasn`t a clue what`s going on. I wind down my window & politely ask "Excuse me officers, could you possible help me get this idiot out of my car? He`s done nothing but threaten to kick my head in & damage my car since he got in" The officers open the passenger door & pull the guy out....

Him..."I haven`t done anything. I haven`t done anything!!"
Officer..."The guy wants you out"
Him..."but i haven`t done anything, honest!"

The officer asks if i to press charges. I say "No, i just want him out thanks"
Officer..."has he paid you?"
Me..."Yes, i`ve been paid, but the guy has been threatening to kick-off for the entire journey"

I thank the police officers for their assistance & they drag the drunken gypsy off. I can still hear him protesting his innocence to the officers. I stop on my way out of the police station & dump his plastic bag full of bottles & cans into a litter bin.

I press my 'CLEARED' button on my datahead & then press for my 'NEXT JOB'